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“You’re avoiding me.”
There you were, taking up most of my doorway, tee shirt tight across your chest, jeans snug and low around your waist. I tried not to keep my gaze cast in that direction for too long during my assessment.
You moved to come in, but I blocked your advance with a subtle gesture. Putting one foot forward and leaning on the wall, I ignored your comment and instead offered a bit of friendly, albeit cool, advice. “You should call before visiting someone.”
“Just let me in.” You tried to move past me, but when I would not surrender my stance you paused. “Please?”
A scowl was my only response, as if you had stolen my ability to talk. Which wasn’t surprising as you had already taken my ability to think. Closing the door after you made your way past me, I followed you into my living room, watching you pace as I stood a safe distance back, still near the doorway.
I shrugged. “I’ve been busy.” My heart hammered loudly against my ribs and I wondered if you could hear it.
“Bull shit. You’re avoiding me.”
A vision of you asleep with your arm around your girlfriend, one arm wrapped around me, flashed before my eyes. I shook my head to erase that vision and walked into the kitchen. “I told you, I’ve been working.”
“Yep. Coffee?” I poured 3 scoops in the coffee maker, added water and waited for it to drip.
“Then come over tonight. Dinner. The three of us. Again.”
“Nope. Can’t.” Even I thought that came too fast. “I have a date.”
You came and stood beside me and I could feel you staring at my face, willing me to look up. “Liar.” That was barely audible. “If I had thought it would ruin our friendship I would have never asked for your help. I’m sorry.”
That, too, was a whisper. Even my beating heart was louder, I was sure. I looked up at you and saw your gaze was filled with sincerity.
“It… we’re.. not. Ruined. I just. Can’t.” I turned to walk away from you but you caught up my arm and it was as if electricity seared my skin. I tried to pull away but you held me fast.
“No. Don’t say that. We’ll be fine. Just give it time.”
I swallowed thickly and shook my head feeling just miserable. A sob escaped my throat and tears puddled in my eyes. “Just leave.”
“No way.” You leaned forward and kissed one of the tears away as it curled downward over my cheekbone. I surrendered to your embrace as you rained kisses over my face. The tears poured. You kept kissing, until you found my lips. I pulled away in earnest.
“Stop.” I wiped the back of my hand across my mouth, but my lips still tingled.
“I want you.”
“You’re already taken. Besides, we promised we’d never do this.”
“Lee! We already broke that promise two weeks ago, in case you forgot.”
“That didn’t count.” A slight smile threatened my mouth, so I frowned at you.
Nevertheless, a smile played on your lips. Your tender, sweet, knowing lips. I licked my own in memory.
Then you pulled me close between your legs. Your arms were wrapped around my body, your hands roaming up and down my back, my spine, settling on my ass as you squeezed the firmness and pulled me against you. All the while you kissed me deeply, longing and desire and urgency consuming both of us. Your hands found their way inside my tee shirt, down my sweat pants, and only when your fingers tickled my clit did I come to my senses.
“I said no!” I yelled at you, shoved you away and pushed past you into the living room.
“You need to leave. Now.”
“I’m not going anywhere ‘til you explain. We’ve been together over the phone. We’ve been together with Joanie. Why not like this? Just me and you.”
It was your turn to scowl. “We haven’t had sex since that night. She won’t even talk about it.”
“What? Are you two fighting?”
“No. It’s kaynarca escort fucked up. She pretends like it didn’t happen. I thought if you came back maybe you could talk to her-”
“Ha! Talk like we did that night?”
You noted in the driest of tones: “You gotta admit that was one helluva conversation.”
We both laughed.
“Indeed.” I exhaled. It was starting to feel like old times again. “So you think you can come over here and fuck me just because your girlfriend won’t?”
You shook your head and sat down on the couch, face in your hands. “I don’t know what I want.”
“You want to get laid. Don’t feel bad. You’re a man. You can’t help yourself.”
“Was I the only one who enjoyed that night? I’m starting to think I was.”
“Hell, no. It was just… weird. I was with another woman, for Pete’s sake.” While I was clearly distressed over this, your grin told me you felt otherwise.
“It was good.”
Being with you was good. I wanted to say that, but I kept my mouth shut instead.
“Well. I’m glad you thought so. The memories will keep you company in your old age.”
“Joanie wanted to invite you over for dinner tonight.”
“No way. No way, no way, no way.” My shoulders squared, my lips pursed, my arms folded across my chest. My whole being said “no.”
“She asked if you had any favorite meals.”
I picked up pizza on the way over that night. No sex tonight. I was just going to have a heart to heart with Joanie and set her straight. I kicked their apartment door lightly with my booted toe since my hands were too full to knock.
Joanie answered the door and I almost dropped our dinner. Her skin tight, black V-necked belly shirt molded her breasts and accented her flat belly. She wore black hip hugging jeans, no shoes or socks. “I’m so glad you’re here!” She grabbed the pizza’s and ushered me in. “Do you want to eat now? Or after? How have you been? How’s work?”
“Uhhhhh. After?” I was speechless. “We have to talk.”
“Yes! I wanted to call you, but.. well… I wasn’t sure what to say.”
“Say?” I put the pizza on the table and cracked open a beer.
“I can’t stop thinking about you. About us. About what happened.”
“Us? Joanie? What happened wasn’t supposed to be about us. I was trying to loosen you up about sex a bit.” I was suddenly worried that I may have loosened her too much.
“You did!” she squealed and laughed, throwing her arms around me and hugging me hard enough to steal my breath away for a moment.
“Not the way I intended!” I pried her off of me and walked a safe distance away from her, using the counter as a barrier between us.
“We need to talk. Where’s loverboy?” I looked around the room, but there was no sign of you anywhere.
“He’s not home yet,” she dismissed you with a flippant wave of her hand. “And yes, we do have to talk.” She walked to the fridge, pulled out the bottle of Jack Daniel’s we had started that eventful night. It was nearly empty. She poured me a glass, emptying the bottle.
I abandoned my beer, took a swig and stared at her, imagining you sitting here at the table every night, drinking yourself into a stupor because your girlfriend wouldn’t have sex.
“I think I’m gay.”
For the second time that month I sputtered a perfectly good swig of JD. “WHAT?”
“I said –”
“I know what you said. What the fuck? You two have been together how long now? Now? NOW you think you’re gay??”
“I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I hated sex. But with you… oh with you it was so much different. You’re beautiful. Sexy. You know how to do everything just right.”
“Well.” What was I supposed to say to that? “Thank you?”
“Noooo. Thank YOU. I would have never admitted it, even to myself, if it wasn’t for you.” Joanie came over to me, her sultry eyes burning hotly into orhanlı escort mine. “So now. Tonight… I want to thank you personally. It’s MY turn to make YOU feel good.”
“Uh.” I had to get out of here. “No need to thank me.”
“Oh, but there is!”
“I think I better go-”
“No! please. Not yet. Make love with me. Again. Just me and you. So I can be sure. And if I’m right… I’m going to need you to be here when he gets home. To tell him-”
“Joanie! I’m not telling him a thing. That’s your job, sweetie.” With that I got up and headed towards the door. “Good luck,” I called over my shoulder.
I felt bad for just a moment as I heard her sob a second before the door clicked closed behind me. But then relief washed over me. It wasn’t my problem.
The liquor store was my only detour as I headed for the haven of my apartment. I had barely slammed the door shut before cracking open the bottle of Jack Daniel’s. Lifting the bottle straight to my lips I chugged a couple of shots before heading to my couch where I kicked off my shoes and curled my legs up under me.
Joanie was gay. Should I laugh? Should I cry? I didn’t know which to do so I thanked God instead. Joanie is gay!
That was my last coherent thought- and it echoed in my head four hours later when I was rudely awoken by you as you took the bottle from my grasp and nudged my shoulder with your knee. Somehow I had managed to lay down on the couch with the bottle propped against the cushions and my arm.
”She dumped me.”
I stared at you for a moment, confused, groggy, a little drunk. “Huh?”
“Joanie.” You offered a clipped explanation as you threw a suitcase on the love seat and slipped off your sneakers. “She kicked my ass out.”
“That’s what I said when she handed me this suitcase and told me to come back during the week when she was at work for the rest of my stuff.” You sat next to me, shoving my legs over so I had to sit up beside you. You swigged from the bottle, then handed it to me. “And here I thought I was going to come home and find the two of you in bed waiting for me all nice and wet and ready to come.”
“Hardly.” I took a drink and handed the bottle back to you. “So now what?”
“Can I stay here for the night?”
I watched you take another drink and pondered your request. “For tonight. But you’re sleeping here, on the couch.”
“How kind of you.” I didn’t like your smile one bit, so I shook my head gently from side to side, just to let you know that if there were any stray thoughts in your head you should let them go immediately. Your smile widened and my stomach did flip-flops.
Not too much later the cool evening air cleared our heads a bit and it was almost like old times as we walked down to the corner chinese restaurant. We ate pork egg rolls and ribs at the table by the window, silently studying the people as they drifted by. Afterwards we walked through the park, again silently. Then we headed back to my place as the streets emptied.
Once, when we were crossing a busy intersection, you absentmindedly grabbed my hand as we ran to beat the light. We walked like that for a few minutes after safely crossing. But then it felt too good so I pulled away.
“Are you okay?” I asked as we climbed the stairs to my floor.
You didn’t answer until we were inside my apartment, door closed and locked behind us.
“Relieved, I think. You know, it really wasn’t that good with her. Just comfortable. We argued a lot. No sex. Shoot, I came more times with you over the damn phone than I did with her over the last year.”
He nodded. “I’m just not sure what I’m going to do now. I have to find a place to live I supposed. Want to go apartment hunting with me tomorrow?”
I nodded and walked to the linen closet where I removed sheets and a blanket. “I’m tepeören escort gonna go to bed now. You can watch tv if you want.” I didn’t trust myself to stay awake with you. Alone.
“Sure.” You looked at me kind of funny. “Sweet dreams.”
There was something about your tone that made me uneasy. But I let it go. For now. I just needed to get away from you. Fast. Before I changed my mind. I closed the door behind me and sighed a sigh of relief. I had needed to be strong and I succeeded.
Why then, was I feeling so depressed? And achy?
I slipped into the bathroom through the door opening from my bedroom. I locked the outside door, the one that led to the living room. To you. After a condensed version of my evening ritual I was back in bed.
Sleep was not to be found. I could hear the tv whispering softly from under my door: canned laughter, muffled voices. I heard you laugh a few times, and I wanted to get up and ask what was so funny. But I forced myself to stay in bed, eyes closed, willing sleep. Finally, it came. Numbing, blinding, oblivious sleep.
Until the phone rang. I jumped from my brief nap and put the receiver to my ear.
“Hi.” It was you.
“I was just laying here and I couldn’t sleep. All I could think about was fucking you.”
“I see.” Had you left? I asked where you were.
“In your living room.”
“Oh.” Just the thought made my pussy buzz. “Don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing anything we haven’t done before.”
“We haven’t fucked before. Technically.” Yet.
“Yet.” You echoed my own thoughts. When I groaned softly you chuckled. “I’m not going to fuck you unless you ask. Okay?”
Just that statement made me wet. I checked. Yep. Drenched.
“Are you touching yourself?”
“No. No, I’m not,” I lied. “Go to sleep.”
“I can’t. My cock is so hard. I can’t sleep. I keep thinking about you naked, with Joanie. And before that. When we were 16 and I kissed you. When we slept together at the beach. How you come for me on the phone so easily-”
“Stop.” I pulled my hand from between my legs and sighed with relief at my strength.
“I know you don’t want me to stop. Do you? Let me do this for you.” I heard the tissue box rustle in the background as you waited for my answer.
“No.” I wasn’t as strong as I thought. I slipped my hand down between my legs. I moaned softly.
“You’re going to come for me.”
“No. I’m not.” I brushed my fingers over my shaved pussy and felt moisture cling to my fingertips. “Oh, God.” I whispered.
“You can’t lie to me. I know you too well. Now. Slip your fingers inside yourself. Imagine its my cock.” I did as you said, wondering why I didn’t just open the door and beckon you to come into my bed.
“I’m so hard for you. I need you so bad.” Your words made me moan and just as I did, you did too. My cunt shuddered a bit. I pumped a little faster, my thumb resting snugly on my clit. I was throbbing and I needed your cock. Suddenly there was a clenching and a rolling within my cunt, muscle contracted around my tiny fingers. A river of come drenched my hand. I cried out your name.
You came too. Right with me. Just like old times. You swore softly into your cell phone as I urged you on. You cried out my name. Then we were silent for a moment. I didn’t know what to say.
Should I invite you in? Should I come out and join you?
Finally you whispered, “Sweet dreams,” and hung up.
When I woke in the morning my belly fluttered. What was I going to say to you? What were you going to say? What did you expect? A morning romp? A shower together? A blow job?
I washed my face, brushed my hair, threw on my fluffy white robe, applied a bit of blusher and lipstick, and opened the door, ready to face the world. Ready to face you.
All I found was a pile of folded sheets and the blanket. And a note.
“Thanks. I’ll be in touch.”
I sat down on the couch, clutching the only piece of you left to my aching breast, feeling a bit deflated. A bit rejected. A bit dismayed.
And I cried.
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