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I heard the question and groaned. First, it was four in the morning, second, she had been doing this all day, evening, and now it appears was continuing it in the early morning hours. My groan wasn’t a satisfactory answer, so she asked it again.
“Who is the hottest guy in the locker room?” Anne said again.
“Can we please talk about something else, your plans for tomorrow or I guess today actually? Or how your kids are doing in school, complaints about the lack of housework your husband does, the weather?”
“Oh, so the other evening when you couldn’t stop talking about hot guys, or really the anatomy of hot guys, that was a one-time thing? Maybe I should have asked who has the most mouthwatering dick, would that be better?” Anne responded adding a sarcastic smile and a raised eyebrow.
“No, look I just am not comfortable talking about it while we are at work. Hell, I am not really comfortable talking about it all, and you are first person I have every actually talked to about it all.” I replied.
“Okay, honestly I am just trying to let you know that you can talk to me about it and it will be fine. No judgements I promise. Although, I do kind of want the scoop on who looks good naked if for no other reason than I have been looking at the same dick for over 20 years and I don’t even see that one very much anymore.” She sighed as she finished talking.
Anne was my partner. My work partner, we spent 24 hours together on an ambulance, and then got two days off, with an extra day off thrown in every couple of weeks. We were both paramedics who worked for the fire department but honestly the guys and the few girls that rode the fire trucks considered us the redheaded stepchildren. The guys looked down on us, the paramedics, as not being a manly and macho as them. So, we shared the firehouse, the kitchen, the bunkroom and as obvious by our conversation, the locker rooms but never really felt like we belonged.
Anne and I had worked together now for three years. She was married and had two kids, both off to college now. She loved her family and even when she was busting on her husband you could tell there was genuine affection. They had married young and started their family early. Now, in her early forties she was just three years into her dream career that had been put on hold while she had raised her kids.
I was ten years younger than her but because I had been doing this job since I was in my early twenties, when it came to work, I was very much her senior. When it came to pretty much everything else in life, she had fast become the older sister I had never had. Twenty four hours together in an ambulance provided time to talk about all kinds of different subjects and that we did. When we would get around to my personal life though the talks would end quickly. The truth was I really didn’t have much of one. I had dated, occasionally, and even had relationships but they never seemed to last very long and never really got serious.
I had recently broken up with my last girlfriend a few months ago. She was a nurse in the emergency room that we frequently transported patients too. At 31, she was a cute girl with a few extra curves and big beautiful smile. She was pleasant, liked to laugh and our sex life was enjoyable but like with previous relationships, when she started to press me about a future, and not getting younger, and ticking clocks, I shut her off and eventually out of my life.
Two nights ago, Anne had come over to my condo for a get away from the husband and kids, social hour. This happened about once every month. Later in the evening, after she had drunk an extra glass of wine and I had drunk more than an extra Jameson and Ginger Ale the deep reason why I would push back when women got serious came out of my lips for the first time. It wasn’t from a direct question that Anne asked but part of a conversation about dark secrets.
“So Justine what is your darkest secret? Do you have a surprising kink that gets you going? Or what do you think people would be surprised to find out about you?” Anne asked with a slight slur from the extra wine.
“In general, or specifically related to something? Like I robbed a bank, or murdered someone, or I was a pirate in a past life?” I responded, partly because I wasn’t really sure what or where she was going with this. It was also partly because, while I thought I knew what my answer would be, I definitely wasn’t ready to say it out loud to someone.
“Have you murdered someone? Or robbed a bank? And if you have how did you ever pass the polygraph to get hired?” She asked.
“No, neither. What is yours? You go first and I promise I will tell you mine. Affair, swinger, secretly a dominatrix, hopefully it something that involves sex.” I responded with a big smile while slightly worried I sounded like a perv. Sex talk wasn’t off limits for us, but we never really talked about our personal sex lives.
The was a long silence as we both looked at each other. You could sense it was a moment where we each were deciding if we really trusted each other. esenyurt escort We were also wondering if what we would confess would result in the other person seeing at the other one differently and if that would affect our friendship and even our work relationship.
Finally, Anne spoke. “Okay. So, when I was in my paramedic class I became friends with this girl named Meghan or maybe we were just study buddies but we spent a lot of time together. She was much younger than me, in her twenties. So anyways, one night after way too much studying we were both pretty tired and also a little wired. I mentioned how tense and stressed I was with trying to get through class, raise two teenagers, keep the house, clean, blah, blah.”
I am sure when she first started talking my eyes had gotten larger because I thought I was getting ready to hear about a lesbian fling with her but now I was thinking she was going to confess to using some illegal drug or something and I was a little disappointed. I raised an eyebrow to indicate she should keep going.
“So, she says I might be able to help you with the stress. My roommate and I got really good at giving each other massages when were in college and we always felt better afterwards.”
Okay, I thought this is heading back in a good direction maybe.
“Keep going!” I said a little to eagerly.
Anne chuckled “Yea, you want to hear more? Hoping to hear about some girl on girl action?”
“Of course” I said with a big smile. “No judgement, I promise.”
“Okay so the bottom line is, yes Meghan’s massage led to more than a massage. Wow, I have never told anyone that” she said with a strong emphasis on never and anyone. “Not even Bob knows, and I don’t want him to know. I am not sure how we would handle it and I do love him very much.”
“So that’s it. No details? What is more than a massage? Did you go down on her? Did she go down on you? What was it like? Did you enjoy it? You can’t just stop there!” I almost shouted this at her or at least I know I said it very enthusiastically.
Anne laughed and said “Okay, a few details but then it is your turn. And I need to do two things first, one top off this wine glass and two text Bob and say I am going to be very late getting home because I can’t drive anytime soon.”
I jumped up to go to the kitchen for a new bottle of wine. On my way my mind raced through thoughts of- I can’t wait to hear this, will Bob be pissed about her being here and getting drunk, and will I actually confess my deepest secret to her? When I returned to the living room, she was holding her wine glass out towards me and had a slight grin on her face.
“Did you text Bob? What did he say?” I asked as I topped her glass off.
“He just said don’t forget you are having breakfast with your mom early tomorrow so don’t over do it to much and added a smiley emoji”
“So, details please!”
“Okay, Okay…. If I am honest, I was pretty sure I knew it wasn’t just going to be a massage, there was just a vibe that it was more. I remember thinking that I had always kind of wondered what it would be like with another girl, and Meghan was cute, and nice. She suggested we go to her bedroom so I could lay on the bed and as soon as we got there told me to remove my shirt, bra and shorts but I could leave my panties on if I wanted and to lay down on my stomach.”
I sipped on my drink and could feel myself leaning forward to make sure I heard every detail. I am not sure why, because Anne was an attractive woman, but I had never really thought about her in a sexual way. It may have been because when we first meet, I was pretty much her boss and I didn’t want to cross any lines, maybe it was because she was older, married and mom when we meet. I do know that this evening I was noticing that her t shirt was tight across her chest and that her boobs had a fantastic roundness to them. She also had beautiful blue eyes and a fantastic smile.
She continued on “As I was taking my shirt and shorts off, I turned away from her feeling shy and when I reached behind my back to undo my bra I quickly dropped it and immediately fell on the bed in an effort to have some modesty. I also realized as I laid there that my panties were getting wet pretty quickly.”
Okay, I thought, wet panties. That is getting hot and felt myself growing in my shorts.
“So, she ended up bringing some oil out of her bathroom and kind of drizzled it on my back. She spread it around with her fingers and honestly did a great job of massaging my neck, shoulders, and upper back. In fact, it felt so good that the sexual element went away for about ten minutes.” She paused to take a long drink from her wine glass while I just sat there waiting to hear more.
“Then as she started to work on my lower back, and my hamstrings, her hands started to roam a lot more. At first, I just thought it was a part of the massage, but she would run her hands up my sides and the tips of her fingers seemed to linger and lightly move on the sides of my breasts. When her istanbul escort hands worked my hamstrings, I could feel her index fingers touch the edge of panties. After this happened a half dozen times I knew it was deliberate and I also realized I had lifted my body up on my elbows so more of tits were accessible and had opened my legs farther.”
“Did you want her to touch you in those places?” I blurted out, hoping her answer would be yes.
“Not at first, but it was almost like it was inevitable and my body was almost saying it was in control and wanted her touching in my intimate places.” Anne was suddenly a little shy as she said that.
“She took my actions as consenting and I realized that one of her hands was now caressing one of my boobs and the fingers on the other and worked under my panties and were running along my outside lips and touching my…… clit.” There had been a several second hesitation to get to the word clit and her face had colored as she said it.
“Wow.” I gasped, not sure what to say. I wanted to hear more but I could tell she was very uncomfortable suddenly. I decided to go with what I thought was a tame question. “Did you kiss her during any of this, or touch her as she was touching you?”
“Not right away. But yes, eventually we kissed, and I even sucked on tits a little, but I couldn’t go any farther than that. She did get me off with her fingers but, and sorry to disappoint you, I never went down her. She wanted to go down on me and I thought about letting her, but I was feeling so confused right then. I had never considered sex with a woman before that moment and, honestly, I was scared and frightened that I was suddenly becoming a lesbian. Which I now know is stupid but out of nowhere, in my mind, Bob’s face appeared and then the girls. I just couldn’t go any further.
I could tell her mood about talking about this had changed. She suddenly seemed very uptight. So, I said “Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me that. Do you regret it, would you do it again?”
She smiled and responded “Not a bit, and if I didn’t love Bob and was free to do whatever I want, yeah I would do it again. Honestly, my only regret is not letting her go down on me. I bet a woman would be awesome at it. I am sure a woman would be better than Bob is.” A laugh followed and she was suddenly back to being a little tipsy and outgoing.
“Now your turn” she said. “It better be as good as mine or better. Something embarrassing, fun, sexy. You ever hook up with a guy?” She giggled a little and laid back into the couch waiting for my response.
My brain was racing. Could I say this out loud? I could honestly feel my pulse rate pick up and I am sure my cheeks got redder. “No, I haven’t hooked up with a guy.” I stopped there and then blurt “Yet.”
“Yet?” She had come up off the couch and was now leaning towards me fully engaged. “Yet? You can’t just stop there. What does yet mean? Do you want to? Are you planning to? Details!”
“I have never told anyone this, but I really want to try oral sex with a guy.” I actually felt myself let out a long breath after saying that out loud.
“You want a guy to blow you? Why do you think he will be better at it than a woman?”
“Umm…. I don’t want a guy to blow ME” I felt my cheeks redden again and my pulse go up again.
“Oh…WOW… that is interesting. And pretty hot. So how long has this been something you wanted to do? Have you ever tried to make it happen? Ever gotten close to it happen?”
I debated how much information to give her but also realized that the real cat was out of the bag so to speak so I figured I would just spill my guts.
“Did you ever read the book Scruples?” I asked.
“Of course. Back before the internet days books like that were how you got to read dirty stuff as a teenager.”
“Okay. Do you remember the part where the guy went to restroom and there was a glory hole and he got a quick blow job?” She nodded yes so, I continued. “When I read that part, I realized how turned on I was. I must have reread that part dozens of times and I realized that what was turning me on was thinking about the guy that was giving the blow job.”
“I remember being turned on reading that part also but not really thinking about what was causing me to be turned on.”
“Eventually I noticed when I would see porn magazines and the woman was sucking a dick, I would be more focused on the dick than the woman. I mean I would look at her, but the dick would draw my focus and I would have the thought that I wanted to be the girl and not the guy in the picture. That was even more true for porn videos.” I realized that I was talking really fast and my heart was still racing but there was also a different feeling, not relief but some sense of it was okay to say it out loud.
“So, Brandon the nurse on evening shift in the ER have you ever thought about seeing if he is interested? He is obviously gay and from what I hear he goes through boyfriends faster than a teenage girl. You should ask him out.”
“Umm… beylikdüzü escort yea a couple of problems there. First, he is definitely gay, too gay and definitely a bottom I bet. Second, I don’t find him even a little attractive. And lastly, I don’t want to date men, I am not gay.”
You could see a look of confusion on Anne’s face as she responded. “So, what is a bottom? And you just told me you want to blow a guy, so you are at least a little gay? Or Bi? Or something, so how do you plan to do that if you won’t date a gay guy. And if you don’t find Brandon attractive what man do you find attractive?”
“How about I start with the easy one of those questions first. So, in the gay culture or from at least what I have read there are tops and bottoms. When it comes to sex the tops take on the more traditional male role and the bottoms take on the more female role. In other words, tops do the penetrating and bottoms do the receiving.”
“Okay so you are saying you are, or you want to be a bottom, right? So that still means you want sex with a man and a man who has sex with another man is gay or Bi.” The last part of this Anne said with great self-assuredness.
“I see it a little differently but honestly I don’t really know. I think of being gay as more than just sex. That you would want a more traditional type of relationship. And that you would primarily find men attractive. It is pretty rare that I say a man is attractive, although it may happen a little more. For me though, what I find attractive on a man is normally from the chest through the groin area. At least in pictures and porn videos.”
“Hmmm… okay so what are you looking at exactly and what or who do you see that you like?”
I hesitated a second hear because I knew if I told her the type of pictures of men that turned me on, I would get a fair amount of teasing and or grief about. I also knew that being able to say all of this out loud to a real-life other person was turning me on, a lot, and at the same time was kind of therapeutic in some way.
“Well? Come on you have told me this much. And I swear to secrecy!”
“When I am checking out pictures of men or using pictures of men as my lets’ say motivation, I like rock hard abs. Smooth or just a little hair maybe. But what I really like to look at is a cut, hard and veiny dick” I practically shouted out that last part in both fear and excitement.
Anne just a big grin on her face “Good to know you are as shallow as most women when it comes to visual stimulation. Why do you think women share all those shirtless cowboy and firemen memes, etc.”
I know I got a real embarrassed look on my face as she said that, she read it perfectly.
“Oh My God! Shirtless firemen turn you on!!! In bunker pants I bet! Wow you must be in heaven every day you go to work.”
“No, no, I don’t look at any of the guys at work! Just pics.” I said this way to quickly and I am sure my face was giving me away, but I suddenly went from turned on to scared and I wasn’t sure why.
“Yea, sure. I don’t believe that for a second!”
“It is true. I don’t care what you believe, and I am done with this conversation. I can’t believe what I have told you to this point. I am begging you to never say anything to anyone.” I had lowered my head as I said this and was suddenly scared to look at her directly.
“I told you I would keep your secret. But I didn’t tell you I would never say anything else to you about it. I am pretty sure we will talk about this more.”
“Well I think I opened myself up way more than you did. All I got from you was a border line one-time lesbian experience.” I was trying to get back in control of this conversation although I was pretty sure that wasn’t going to happen.
Anne laughed “If you want to think that fine. And I guess the truth is I actually have done that and if you told Bob I could be hurt by that. Although who knows, it might be a big turn on for him, don’t most men get hot thinking about two women together?”
“Well how about we stop talking about this at least for tonight. It is getting late. Do you want some coffee or water while you sober up enough to drive home?”
“No, I think I will grab an uber and just have Bob run me over here to pick up the car on his way to work in the morning if that is okay? It is on his way and if go now I will be home at a decent hour. Plus, I am not really drunk, just a little extra tipsy.”
“That is fine with me. If I go to bed now, I will probably actually get up early enough to get to the gym before it gets to crowded in the morning.”
So, this was our first day back to work together since that night and the conversation. It was why Anne was interrogating me at this hour of the morning. She had been giving me little jabs about it all during the day, only when we were alone thankfully, but it had been kind of constant. I had just ignored her but one of the things about a lack of sleep, it is a little like being drunk and I could feel myself getting ready to answer. When we arrived back at the station, I backed the ambulance up on the ramp but stayed outside the station. I knew neither of us would go back to sleep anyways because our relief would soon be here, and we could go home and sleep in our own beds. I shut the motor off, and she looked at me with a raised eyebrow on why I hadn’t backed into the station.
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