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All people and places are fictional. All characters are over eighteen.
January 1st, 2015
Mia got me this journal for Christmas and said I better use it. So here goes. She said it’s for private stuff. Thoughts and dreams and fantasies. Ha! Wouldn’t she like to know all that stuff! Maybe that’s her plan, to sneak in here and steal this someday, after I’ve written all my private thoughts in it. Don’t know about writing all that stuff — fantasies and dreams and all. Not much of a writer really, but I’ll try I guess.
So last night was New Years Eve. This dry spell of dating has stretched on and on, so I went out with some work friends, the pathetic, no love-life loser ones like me. It was fun, but my head hurts today. Martha bought a round of tequila shooters, so that started the ‘it’s your turn, it’s your turn’ thing, and before midnight hit we were fucked up like back in college. Guess I can use swear words like that in here, because it’s my book right? Hmm, since I’m being so wicked, and I’m still a little drunk to be honest, I guess I’ll jump in with both feet and write about boys. Ha ha! I guess after 30 years on this earth I should call them men. So Danny Yacavone was there, and Derek Williams from accounting, and one of Derek’s friends named Rod. After 3 tequilas they all started looking real good to me, but I held my ground. The last thing I want to do is turn into the office slut. Derek walked me out to my cab. I think he was hoping I’d invite him home, but I kept it innocent. A fun night, but this headache sucks.
January 2nd, 2015
Back to work today after the holiday, but it’s a Friday, so it wasn’t too bad. I guess the rest of the gang stayed till closing after I left yesterday, and Barb left in a cab with Derek and his friend Rob. She’s being real quiet about it, but I can tell everybody’s wondering. I think she did it myself. I’ve always thought she had a secret wild side. If I was gonna do something like that (wow, can you imagine?) Derek and Rod would be a fine choice, to put it mildly. Ha! Crazy to even think about! Two guys at once? OMG!!
Well, I just sat here for 5 minutes thinking about it, so I guess it’s not so crazy to think about after all! Ha ha!
January 5th, 2015
Back to work, boring weekend over. I really do need to get a life.
January 6th, 2015
Boring again. I’m going to try and write, even though nothing happened today. Let’s see. What. Can. I. Write. About.
Hmm, what would my perfect man be like?? No, that’s just depressing.
Even if he was perfect I probably wouldn’t let him have sex with me until the third date and he’d give up after the second. The sad thing is that happened in high school. I worked myself up into a frenzy, all ready for it, but he jumped ship to one of the class sluts. Did I learn my lesson? Fuck no! Ha ha. I shouldn’t laugh I guess. It’s sad.
Perfect man = broad shoulders, slim waist, nice chest, hairy body but not too much. Okay, this is fun. Big muscular thighs, small ass but nicely rounded. Big hands with long fingers. Matt Damon’s head. Ha ha! This is too funny! I wonder what Matt Damon’s thing looks like? Thing! Why the FUCK am I calling it a THING in my own private book? It’s a COCK you silly girl! COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK! There, that breaks the ice a bit. Ha! Ha!
I’m so tired. Job’s a drag. Today kind of sucked.
January 9th, 2015
Friday! Yay! Mia wanted to go to a bar and dance. I’m tired of saying no and being boring, so I said YES! It was TOO MUCH FUN! Cute guys, even young ones dancing with us. Of course Mia puts the slut vibe out there even though she’s not one, so that draws them in like flies in a place like that.
So, one guy rubbed on me so much I could tell everything about him. I mean EVERYTHING! Ha ha. It’s been too long since I’ve felt a hard man, even if it was through our clothes and not with my hands. I should have just grabbed a hold, I know he would have loved it. It seemed big for such a skinny guy, and he was cute. Not knowing his name just makes it all seem even hotter.
I’m super tired now, too out of shape to be dancing like that. NEED TO EXERCISE! A guy would think I looked like a dumpling out of my clothes. I can’t even imagine stripping in front of anybody these days. What do middle-aged women do? Now that I am one I need to know. Tell me oh great spirit of the journal. What doest the modern man wanteth to see? A squishy girl like me? Ha. Ha.
January 16th, 2015
Didn’t write all week. Hmm, I kind of miss it. Never had a diary as a kid. I kind of like it.
So, another Friday, another night of dancing with Mia. Same club, different guys, although I saw my skinny one with another, younger girl. This time was different — Mia was on the prowl and she actually left with someone! I was shocked, but I shouldn’t have been because she told me dancing last week made her horny. So my cab ride home was odd. I felt left out and lonely, even though I would never just pick up a guy in a bar like that. Would I? Could I? One night stands were never my thing. I don’t even understand them really. What do you do, just say goodbye when it’s over and leave? I can’t even üsküdar escort picture it. Don’t you still smell like the guy when you get home? When he’s your boyfriend that’s a good thing, but when you’re not going to see him again, do you really want to smell like him?
I had too much to drink. One guy had his hands all over me and I let him. We were both sweaty and buzzed. It was hot hot HOT! I feel like fucking him now that I’m home. Alone. I’m tired of alone. Mia’s getting fucked right now. Damn, I’ve never thought about that before. Not like this. I wonder what he’s doing to her. Is he one of those lover guys that knows all the tricks? I don’t think I’ve ever had an orgasm. I’m tired…
January 17th, 2015
Called Mia to get the dope on lover man. She was evasive, but I could tell it was good. She was never a gossiper, kinda private, so I don’t know what I expected her to say. Guess I wanted to know all about his cock and how deep he went and stuff. What he felt like on top of her. Did he do anything dirty like on her knees from behind or anything? I wonder if she uses her mouth on a guy. BLOW JOB. There, I wrote it. BLOW JOB, BLOW JOB, BLOW JOB. Ha! What does that feel like if you’re a guy, having a cock and having it inside a woman’s mouth? Must be hot.
She wants to go out again tonight. Different club though. I don’t know what that’s about, does she not want to run into lover man again? I could tell she liked it, so it seems odd.
Mia did it again! Left with another man tonight! What the fuck Mia! I drank too much again. Let TWO guys get handsy with me. Liked it, but it’s the fucking booze, right? I’m still drunk. Buzzy though. Cab ride home was a blur. Mia’s messing with my head. Is she fucking some other guy right now? Two different guys in two nights? That’s not like her. What the FUCK Mia!
Hung over big time. Can’t do two nights in a row at my age. Never could. Called Mia and talked for an hour. She’s hung over too and I can tell she’s a little disturbed with her own behavior. It’s not like her to be slutty like that. I’m sitting on my balcony trying to remember what she said. Wow, she got wild. Did stuff in the cab and then at his place, she said it was just crazy hot, like off the charts. She’s not slutty but she’s got lots of experience, and she said he was the best. Said she had so many orgasms she lost track, and her mind’s all a fog today. It must be foggy because normally she’s private and doesn’t talk so much about it.
I’m starting to wonder what my two handsy guys would have been like. Wild and crazy to think I probably could have let either of them fuck me, just like that. Simple. Nothing to it. Just whisper in their ear and go do it. Sometimes I wish I was more like Mia, but is she really happy with herself today?
January 19th, 2015
Had lunch with Mom today. Shopped a little. She bought me a scarf. A nice NORMAL day, after two crazy nights. I hope Mia’s okay, need to call her tomorrow. Early bed tonight.
January 21st, 2015
So here it is three weeks after New Years and gossip’s starting to circulate about Barb and Derek from accounting. She left in a cab New Years Eve with Derek and his friend Rob. Word is they did a threeway all night and half the next day. I think Barb’s the one who talked, Derek’s just not that kind of guy. I can see her being a little braggy, especially about hot guys. I never liked her a whole lot. But…What the F! A threeway for all night and half a day? Jesus Mary and Joseph! And here I thought we were all the no-love-life losers that night. Guess that club’s whittled down to just me lately. What the F indeed. I don’t know why gossip like that makes ME so unhappy, but it does.
January 23, 2015
Mom called. Wants to fix me up with a “nice man”. Ugh. Lately I just want a wild lover, not a “nice man”. Of course I’d never take a wild lover. Not enough GUTS. But, Mom’s just being Mom, and a date wouldn’t be the end of the world, that’s for sure. I think I’ll call her tomorrow and tell her yes.
January 25th, 2015
Sunday morning and I feel resurrected. Best date EVER last night. Can’t believe my MOTHER fixed it up because it was hot hot HOT! First time in my life I’ve fallen into bed with someone on a first date, but it felt so NATURAL. I feel like calling Mia and telling her all about it, but I won’t. I probably couldn’t anyway. Talk about it I mean. All the intimate stuff. Like the way he felt in my hand. So much harder than I remember other men being. So hard, and long, and the heat just poured off of it like there was a fire inside. His name’s Mike. Ha! I guess that’s less important in my mind than how hard he was!
So here’s the big memory I want to write down — I put it in my mouth! I should put 10 exclamation points after that! It was SO FUCKING SEXY, I can’t even believe it. I’ve never felt so…lusty, I guess that’s the word. Mike was real gentle about it, perfect really. I don’t know if he could tell it was my first time doing that. I’m sure he could sense it was something like that. I’m holding on to it, stroking it nice and soft and he’s really happy, and I just was drawn to şerifali escort it and put it between my lips! Next thing I know I’m licking it all over, and sucking on it and moaning. It was all uncontrollable, like instinct or something. It didn’t go on for too long before he wanted to fuck me, which I was all for, but WOW! I kinda LOVED IT! Little old me, giving a BLOW JOB! I never would have guessed it. Two days ago I didn’t even know the guy, and my MOTHER fixed it up! You never know I guess…
January 26th, 2015
Called Mia on my lunch hour. Told her I had the date with Mike and she got more out of me than I thought I’d tell her. She wants to go dancing Friday and pick up guys. I told her what about Mike? She said it’s bad to always be thinking “relationship”. Takes all the fun out of life she says. Ha! I guess maybe that’s one way of looking at it. Mike texted me right after I talked to her. Said how much fun he had and hopes we can do it again. Do it again? A girl could read that to mean just the sex, which I guess, since it was fun, isn’t such a bad thing. I don’t get the feeling he wants a relationship. Didn’t really talk about that with him. Hmm, what’s a 30 year old girl to think these days?
January 29th, 2015
Decided to go dancing with Mia tomorrow night. I feel strangely excited about it, different than before. The memory of being with Mike is still fresh, and with Mia picking up guys TWICE the last times we went clubbing, I’m feeling nervous. I guess I broke the ice as far as one night stands go with Mike, although it really didn’t feel that way at the time. It wasn’t a ‘pick up’ kind of thing. Mom was involved for goodness sake. So I’m feeling really …scared. There, I said it.
Just got dressed for the club tonight. Mia said she’s going slutty, so I had to too. It’s funny, I was thinking all day at work that I WANTED to dress slutty, but I knew I wouldn’t. Then Mia texted and said she is, and here I am in a short skirt, sexy stockings, high-heels and a little satin shirt that’s unbuttoned too much. I’ve had all these clothes, worn them all separately before, but never put them all together. Each piece I put on I looked sluttier and sluttier. Probably not in the ultimate sense, I mean a really sexy woman would think this look wasn’t pushing it very far, but for me, wow do I feel exposed. I don’t want to wear my usual stuff though, I’d feel like a dweeb next to Mia if she looks hot. Oh well, it’s a new club, nobody knows me there. I can do this! I can do this!
Where do I begin? Not sure I even want to write down what happened last night. But I also want to shout it out for everyone to hear. Never had these kinds of mixed feelings before. Okay, what the fuck happened? That’s how I should start this entry. I’m sitting here, staring at this page for like a minute or more after I write each sentence, that’s how crazy and surreal this morning feels.
Long story short, the slut clothes were appropriate, because I WAS one last night. Oh! My! God!!
Let me see if I can remember how it even happened, because I’m not sure I really even comprehended it at the time.
I met Mia at a coffee shop down the street from the club. We walk over and wait in a BIG line. It’s a brand new club and the place to be I guess. Leave it to Mia to know that. I’m glad I wore what I wore because Mia looked really hot. A lot of other girls did too. It seemed like we waited in line forever but then we’re in and it’s like a psychedelic trip in there. Like back to the 60’s , but in a good way. Loud, hot, sweaty. Mia went right for the Tequila and we both had 2 before we hit the dance floor. Guys were all over us almost instantly.
2 more Tequilas and we were flying high. There was an older bunch of people there that we seemed to fall in with. Late 30’s, early 40’s maybe? 3 handsome, sexy guys and their wives/girlfriends? I’m still not sure how they were connected. I’m guessing wives. Every time Mia and I took a break or got a drink we seemed to end up back dancing with them again. I was super fun, lots of smiles and laughs and the flirty stuff grew to epic proportions. Everybody was into it, even the women. It was too loud to communicate much, so we all just danced up a storm. The dancing got really sexy and dirty. I was only letting a little of that happen, because I felt uncomfortable about it with the “wives” there, but I was watching. Mia though, she was right into it, big time. I’ve never seen her act so sexy, especially with couples when the women were there, but she just went for it like it was totally natural. I could never do that.
So this is were things get fuzzy. All the sudden we were all squeezed into 2 cabs heading for one of the couple’s apartments. I wish I could remember how or why, but I don’t remember what was said to get us to that point. Mia and I were in a cab with Donnie and Marie. Yeah I know! We had a good laugh when they first told us their names.
So here’s where things really get crazy. Marie kisses Mia! We had just gotten into the cab and it pulled away from the curb and she was all over Mia and Mia was into it! I couldn’t believe it! It was like one of those, “What? Am I seeing this right?” moments. They were both in super slutty little dresses and their hands were all over each other. I must have had a shocked look on my face, because Donnie said “You’re adorable” and he kissed me. It was funny because the shock went out the window and I kissed him back, really hard. It was one of those kisses, you know? The kind you’re probably gonna remember for a LONG time. Fuck it was hot! We’re going through these massive potholes in this rickety old cab that smells awful, and I’m like floating away on this intense kiss and his hands are making me so fucking horny!
So I’m like lost in another world when the cab pulls up in front of this apartment building. All these questions are going through my head. I want to ask “Aren’t you guys married?” but I’m too chicken. I hate being shy. Mia and Marie are laughing and we all get out. The other cab pulls up behind us and the party rolls out onto the sidewalk, everybody laughing and acting sexy. I felt like a fish out of water and then Donnie puts his arm around my waist and kisses me again, right there in front of everyone. I blushed really hard and he says “Adorable” again. His eyes were really intense, soft and warm, but fiery and dangerous. I could have run away with him right then and there.
Wow, I’m writing a book here! Let’s see, okay, so we all go inside. Turns out it’s Mitzy and Rocko’s place. How’s that for big-city Italian names? Mitzy and Rocko. They look just like you’d think, Mitzy a little skinny firecracker with quick sarcasm that I wish I could pull off, and Rocko, he’s like a wavy haired muscle-man who spends his time ‘lifting’ at the gym, like right out of a T.V. show or something. Real blue-collar, with a thick accent from like the Bronx or something. At first I found him funny in a not flattering kind of way, but now, yeah, I can definitely see what Mitzy see’s in him.
The other couple was Bo and Anne. They’re so different, like middle class suburbanites. It’s funny that they all hang out together because all three couples seem like they’re from different worlds, but I guess it’s their “hobby” that brought them together. Fucking each other. Yeah, I just wrote that. Swapping partners. Swinging. Holy shit, I still can’t believe it! And Mia and I, well, oh my God, am I actually gonna write this down where someone might find it and read it? Mia and I, we were their playthings for the night. That’s how it felt anyway. And we loved it! I LOVED IT! I got fucked by 3 men, and I licked a woman’s pussy for the first time. 4 of them actually. Yup, everybody ‘did’ everybody else, and all 5 of us girls were ganged up on at least once too. I can’t even begin to put into words what it was all like, especially when I was the center of attention. I’ve never been so out of my mind before.
Just read through that War And Peace sized entry from yesterday. I’m tempted to scratch it all out, but I guess I’ll leave it. It did happen to me after all — do I really want to forget it? Feeling very, very down on myself for letting something like that happen. Am I sick in the head for letting myself go like that? For enjoying it? It’s Sunday morning. I feel like I should go to church and pray for my soul.
So, it’s 8pm now, and I haven’t heard a peep from Mia since we shared an awkward kiss on the cheek on the sidewalk outside Mitzy and Rocko’s apartment in the wee hours yesterday morning. The idea of calling her and talking about it all is terrifying to me. I know that’s ridiculous. I’m an adult for goodness sake. Am I afraid to admit that I really did like it? Having sex with 7 people? How can that be? How can I ever admit to that?
Back to work today. Awkward, awkward, awkward. I felt like I was hiding some sort of secret the whole day. I hate that feeling! Mia called me at lunch time. Said she was “busy” all weekend, but I could tell she felt weird about it all too. I went up to the smoker’s deck on the roof and was alone, but I still told her I couldn’t talk about it all at work. We sort of did anyway, which was good I guess, to sort of break the ice. It was all very surreal, I can’t believe I’m having these kinds of discussions with her. Even more surreal is that I got aroused when we talked. I’m not sure what’s going on.
Just hung up from Mia again. Glad she didn’t call at work this time. Long conversation. We’re both sort of on the same page — freaked out initially, confused, a lot of underlying feelings that we’re slowly talking about. The big one though is we both sort of really did love the experience. It’s hard to admit for someone like me. Little Miss Good Girl with the sucky sex life. But like Mia said, “Why shouldn’t good sex make us happy?” Yes. It’s true really, isn’t it? Who am I asking? Myself I guess. Yes, I’ll admit it — I loved it. I find myself thinking about it a LOT. Rocko seems to fill my thoughts more than the others. That muscle body, oh my GOD! I never thought I’d see someone like him naked, I don’t know why. But he wasn’t just naked, he fucked me so hard. Hard! Like a crazy wild man. I should probably write down here how big his cock is, so I don’t forget. Like I’m gonna forget! It’s the longest, fattest cock. Filled me like nothing I could imagine. And he’d just go and go and go. More than once I though I’d pass out! I never dreamed a man could be like that. I can still hear the others egging him on too, while he was giving it to me. It was like a cheering section.
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