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Preface: The Departure

I was raised to do as I was told. I was raised not to question my fate and never to wonder where my life would take me. I was taught not to hope and not to dream. These were selfish ambitions that a good Amish girl could not afford. They made you odd, unwanted, risky, and, ultimately, feared. My family, meaning all the people in my village, are traditional even beyond other Amish communities.

Since I am now eighteen I am past due for marriage. Not to say I have not had suitors. The eligible men of the village have all made their visits at some time or other. I was not rude and no refusals were made. I simply mentioned subtle things, neither bold nor brash, that made them think they may have more luck on another porch. This method worked on all but one. Samuel, a boy that I had played with as a child, lingered frequently but he knows my views on marrying him. We had a standing unspoken agreement to be friends beyond all else. We were each others confidant and knew the others hopes and dreams. I knew his secret love for music and he knew I wanted out.

However, Samuel was not the impending threat that hastened my escape. No matter how I handled the young men, I would be married. The council would make sure of it. I was making it so that would never happen.

One of my daily chores was running errands for the women in town. During that time, one of the ‘English’ women there would give me her morning paper after she read through the comics and the obituaries. My focus was on the wanted ads. I was biding my time and waiting for the job that would take me from this place. A few weeks ago my prayers were answered. There was a job for a cook and housekeeper in a wealthy household a few cities over. It would be a long bus ride but I have skimmed enough over time that I could buy the ticket. I şişli escort was getting out.

* * *

It is early. The cock has yet to crow. I start capturing conscious wisps of thought fluttering through my mind. I feel warmth growing from deep inside my stomach, low within my stomach. The warmth crawls and flows radiating out from that one wonderful apex. I smile deeply running my hands down my slender body. I rejoice in the feeling of being all my own. I am my own on this day. I do what comes instinctually; I allow myself the gift that I had not yet given. Today was a special day. Today was my independence day.

I delicately grasp the hem of my night gown and slowly pull it up my body, rejoicing in the feeling of the cloth. I drag my fingertips, slightly cold, up my warm smooth thighs. I lay my palm flat on my stomach below my navel and I message the skin there back and forth, rubbing and spreading the heat. I am inexperienced but the feeling seems familiar. I shudder, the skin is so sensitive, completely untouched and completely ignored. I venture my pale slender fingers upward, along my ribs. I chance to keep going. I cup my firm, full breast amazed by the feeling between my thighs. I was not at all sure how the two places were connected but continued my efforts more feverishly, enticed by the results. I ran my thumb across the pink nub proudly erect, a shock wave was sent straight to the an aching portion of my womanhood. I gasped and moaned, careful not to make too much noise.

The raw feeling takes over. I grab my breasts, allowing the nipples to poke through the circular opening of may hands. I clamp down and start gently pulling. The pressure and heat collects in in the throbbing nipples. I close my hands and pinch down hard. I would have let our a yelp if I hadn’t escort mecidiyeköy bit down on my lip. I could hold off no longer. My right hand dove downward and ran a finger gently up my slit, starting at the bottom. The soft folds open and revealing a soft and juicy inside unlike anything I have ever felt. Knowing enough not to enter myself I keep making shallow strokes. I allow the finger to move further up and hit a little bump that sends electricity straight up through my spine, arching, and down curling my toes. My knees started shaking and a ragged gasp escapes.

I stop, but I keep feeling the warmth growing and growing. I fear that it will swallow me up, I fear that it won’t. I turn my face into my pillow and start rubbing the slick little spot in slow circular motions. My left hand doing the same with a nipple, tweaking it here and there. My speed increases, sweat collects in the small of my back and if feel like I’m about to explode. I pinch my nip hard and my other hand, rubbing furiously, becoming a blur. I’m set ablaze and I erupt violently. My whole body starts convulsing. My back arches and wonderful juices flow into my hand. I scream into my pillow writhing with ecstasy. My spine rolls like a whip, wave after wave. I remove my hands and lay sprawled and gasping for breath. I pull my gown down to my knees

After a few moments of relishing the absolutely perfect moment, I pull up my covers to keep the oncoming chill at bay. From the depths of my being bubbled up the most satisfied smile ever to be imagined. I lie relishing the pulsating feeling, watching my heart beat in my stomach, knowing my own power.

Suddenly, quick footsteps are approaching the door. I have to remain calm, pretend all is normal. With a racket only my aunt can muster, the door is flung open. Aunt Mary is in her normal, escort gecelik hurried self, carrying a wash bowl for me. For a round, unorganized looking women she was anything but. She was neither lazy or scatter-brained. She knew all the inner workings of the house and precisely when each task needed to be done to achieve the desired output for the day. Frankly, she was intimidating but I did appreciate her.

“Still in bed Ruth?! You know there is work to be done! You need to get up, wash, get dressed, and get moving! I can’t believe such an ungrateful child would just lounge about all day. It’s practically midday!”

“Aunt,” I said, voice still trembling, “I’m quite sure it has not yet reached 5:30 mam”

She began to yell as she turned to stare down a me, when her anger turned to alarm. She snatched my chin tightly between her thumb and index finger, positioning my head this way and that. She placed the back of her palm to my forehead.

“Why Ruth! Your heart is racing, your skin is clammy, and your cheeks are flushed. Do you feel ill?”

“Oh!” … what to say, what to say… “I, um, had a terrible nightmare! It woke me up in quite a fright, right as you came in.”

“You are alright then?” She showed concern on her brow, her rigid façade cracking slightly.

“Why yes Aunt Mary, I am absolutely fine.”

“Well then Ruth, get busy!”

She shuffled her way out the door. It was quite amazing how she could snap that harshness back on so quickly. I would miss everyone, but I felt myself being slowly stifled, fizzling out like a candle put under glass. Such a tedious and anticlimactic way to leave this world. I entered this world kicking and screaming, I would not exit it any other way.

I fling myself back on the bed and soak in the moment for just awhile longer. I smile, thinking of the day to come. Today, when I make my customary trip to town, I will leave my note, slip out of the house, and grab the small bag I have stashed in the wood shed. Then, with my letter from my future employer and my bus ticket in hand, I will vanish like a ghost. I will never come back

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