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I cleaned up then slept a few hours after Katie left. I awoke starving and fixed a huge platter of snacks then put two potatoes in the oven to bake and a large T-bone in a skillet to marinate in beer before frying it. I sat the tray of snacks on the table then went to the refrigerator.
As I reached for a 6-pack of Michelob, I chuckled and instead grabbed a 2-liter Pepsi and a glass. I had a lot of thinking to do and figured sober was best for that.
After pouring a glass, I placed the bottle beside the platter and took a sip then walked over to my computer desk and grabbed a new legal pad and a couple of pens. One with black ink for the bulk of my notes and one with red ink for the notes I wanted to search online for more details.
I wasn’t exactly sure where to begin. Thanksgiving was now 2 days away and I wanted to throw a huge feast for all my loved ones but I was getting really antsy to begin searching for the ladies that had been my lovers over the years. There was also Tara to consider.
Of all my cousins, she had been the very first to hit on me and had tossed out the most clues that she wanted to share my bed. I smiled as I wrote her name in huge block letters across the top of my notepad while thinking about what an enigma she actually was.
She wasn’t a prick tease and it was totally obvious that she did want to share my bed but for all her bravado she was about as shy as they come and she was scared shit less. The problem I was having was figuring out how to let her know that I knew this without hurting her feelings. So far, I didn’t have a clue.
I wrote the number 5 beneath her name then below that in parenthesis I wrote (Laura-2, Charisma-4, Victoria-5, Bobbie-9, Katie-10).
I quickly scribbled below that (Karen Corr-1, Aunt Kim-3, Lisa-6, Cybill-7, Kathleen-8) (Allison-0) (Agatha-1A), just to remind myself of my most recent lovers and with my very first lover Agatha, written in red.
I sat there munching on the snacks and drinking Pepsi as I stared at the notepad thinking for almost an hour, only pausing to get up and flip over the steak.
I was still at a loss over where to begin when I got up and melted a stick of butter to start frying my T-bone. I stopped at my desk and turned on my computer then did a search for maps. I found a pretty good one of the United States then went back to my table and stared at the screen as I continued munching on the snacks.
At first, I tried to list every town I had spent even one night in but because of the way I jumped north and south or east and west I was quickly as lost as I often was while actually on the road.
I laid my pen down and went to turn my steak then sat down with a new battle plan.
I picked up a large carrot and took a bite then smiled and picked up my pen. I made a chart listing the states I had gone through as I traveled and the cities in those states where I had met a lady who became my lover as well as my age when it happened.
It shocked me so much as I finished to realize I had shared a bed with over 80 different women, in 35 different states not including 4 states the second time I passed through them, 4 Canadian Provinces, and Canada that I sat staring in disbelief until the fire alarm alerted me that my steak was in the advanced state of being burned.
I grabbed a lid from under the sink and smothered the flame then turned and ran outside coughing my fool head off just as Tara came racing across from her house to make sure I was okay.
Bobbie’s best friend in high school had a daughter that was one of the Pilgrim’s in the Thanksgiving play the elementary school was having and damn near the whole town was there. I had forgotten about it completely and Tara had work that couldn’t wait if she wanted to take off for the holiday or she would have gone.
I was coughing my fool head off and Tara was laughing hers off. I almost choked when Tara pulled her T-shirt off then just went in my apartment and turned on my ceiling fan before opening all the windows and coming back outside carrying the now charcoal T-bone.
My coughing was almost done but hers had just begun. It was probably a good thing most of the town were at the play because I was standing outside in 10 degree weather butt naked and Tara was wearing nothing but panties.
When her coughing began to ease we sat down on the porch swing then I laughed and said, “Tara, I have loved you since our very first meeting but tonight I have fallen deeply in-love with you. Not only are you intelligent, beautiful and sexy, you are my hero. Now if you could just solve the dilemma that had me so stupefied that I forgot my steak as hungry as I was, I’d marry you even if we are first cousins.”
For the very first time since we met Tara’s flirting took on a very serious side as she said, “Don’t say things you Don’t mean Woody. I might believe it and just hold you to it.”
I threw up my hands in mock fear as I gasped, “Oh my God! The horror of it all. The sexiest dang 19 year old in the world escort bostancı might marry me. How on earth can I survive?”
We laughed and talked almost three hours until Aunt Kim pulled up and Tara’s sisters ran over to see why we were outside damn near naked in such frigid conditions.
Most of the smoke was gone but everyone pitched in to help me close the windows and do a quick clean up including a heavy spraying of room deodorizer.
Then as they finished, I pulled Tara aside and asked her to stay a little longer. I told her my problem figuring out the best way to start finding my past lovers then I gave her a copy of my list of states, cities, my age when I was there, names of the women I remembered, a few nicknames of others I remembered, and the best description I knew of the five who I had no name or nickname for.
As she stood looking at the list and shaking her head I calmly said, “I don’t want to add any pressure to an already astronomical problem but I am hoping to get started the day after Thanksgiving and trying to get back here a few days before Christmas. Oh and one last detail which to me is the most important one of all, do we fuck before I leave or after I get back?”
Tara stuck out her tongue and just as calmly replied, “Do I get to choose what I want Woody?”
I nodded and there wasn’t a trace of mirth and definitely no tease in her voice as she said, “Then, I choose before, during, and after.”
Before I could respond, she was out the door and had closed it behind her. I laughed and pulled another steak out of the refrigerator and started cooking all over again. Hell I was still starving and I had a feeling deep in my gut that Tara was going to wear me slap damn out in the next 24 to 48 hours.
I barely had time to wrap a couple of new potatoes in tinfoil to bake and get the T-bone marinating before Tara was knocking at the door.
I would have burned another steak and potatoes if she had been coming over to share my bed. Regretfully, she wasn’t. Instead, she handed me a fistful of print outs as she told me she was running a little late and still needed to investigate a little more but what she had should give me enough to plan at least two thirds of my trip.
As I took the papers I whistled under my breath as I softly said, “Tara you damn sure fix up nice Sweetie. It’s been less than 45 minutes. You’ve done all this work. You’ve bathed and put a wave in your hair. Your makeup it is as near perfect as it gets and you are definitely dressed to kill.”
She grinned from ear to ear as she curtsied before whispering, “I expect payment in full tonight. I want to be a woman when I sit down at this Thanksgiving day feast you are so mysterious about, not a child in woman’s garb. So you best get cooking lover because in about 8 hours I expect to have your undivided attention the rest of the night.”
She winked, turned on her heels, and took off running towards her small broken down Mustang. I watched in awe until she was out of sight then put the papers away and got cracking myself.
I had so much to do that I wasn’t sure where to start. I was exhausted already and hadn’t even begun yet when I should have already had at the very least my pit dug.
I poured myself a mug of Java and picked up the phone to see if the grocery store had my order ready to be picked up.
The voice sounded familiar and I asked, “Is this Mimi?”
She laughed and said, “Yes.”
I smiled as my brain raced unsuccessfully then I just asked, “Mimi, why should I know you? I’ve been wondering that ever since I got back to town.”
She giggled then answered, “Just before you ran away, you beat me out for Class President, Woody.”
I smiled at the memory then asked, “I spent every available minute at the Democrat (our small weekly newspaper) when I first got back. I was thinking it was something I read.”
The humor left her voice as she said, “I don’t publicize this Woody. I’m a closet lesbian and I was gang raped leaving a lesbian club in Birmingham a few years back.”
The humor was also gone from my voice as I said, “I can’t go into this over the phone Mimi. I will pay you a thousand dollars to deliver my order and guarantee you a job paying at the very least that much a week and most likely even more just for trusting me.”
She gasped and the phone was silent for at least a minute before she calmly said, “I’ll be there in ten minutes Woody.”
She hung up the phone and I had finished my coffee and was behind the apartment digging my trench when she pulled up almost exactly ten minutes later.
We chatted about old times back and forth as I continued digging then I said, “What about your kids Mimi?”
She stared me straight in the eyes as she said, “I just got custody of them last year. My ex-husband died a few months after the judge gave him custody then I lost them in court to his parents. When their grandmother passed away earlier this year, I got temporary custody then their grandfather just ümraniye escort didn’t want them and signed over his custodial rights before we got to court.”
She wiped a tear from her eyes then finished, “The only reason I am standing her waiting on pins and needles for you to get around to talking about this job you offered me is because my cashier’s job wasn’t even remotely meeting their needs.”
I lifted my head and said, “Mama was raped before she married Daddy. Everywhere I have spent more than two weeks over the years, I’ve gotten involved in their Rape Crisis system. Clarke County has no such system operating on a full time basis.”
I took a deep breath then asked, “Can you keep a huge secret Mimi?”
She blushed before answering, “You were so wrapped up in Laura that you barely noticed the rest of us girls your age Woody. I had a gigantic crush on you and deliberately blew the election when we were kids.”
I smiled and said, “I’m worth somewhere in the vicinity of a half a billion dollars. I’m secretly financing the construction that’s just getting under way behind the barn and the high rise that was just completed where my Aunt and Cousins are working. When it is finished, it will cover at least 8 city blocks and contain everything we ever dreamed of having at a very reasonable cost. One of my projects is a rape crisis center and hot line but it will also cater to any and every emotional crisis for both males and females, adults and children. Beginning Monday morning, you are the CEO of that facility and you will need to meet with Bobbie and discuss everything you will need or want to make it the best possible facility in the country. She will set your salary but I guarantee it won’t be less than a thousand dollars a week.”
I looked her up and down from head to toe then said, “I noticed you back then Mimi. It was hard not to notice the sexiest girl in the entire school even though she was only 14 years old. I just grew up with Laura in my backyard and never once have quit loving her.”
I took a deep breath then said, “Go home and change into something more comfortable Mimi and tell your kids that they will be coming here tomorrow for Thanksgiving. I have a million things to do today and for your help preparing tomorrow’s feast, I will pay you not only the grand for bringing my groceries but I will make it an even 5 grand.”
Just as I wondered why I hadn’t gotten one of the crew at the construction site to bring a backhoe and dig my trench, Mimi returned almost two hours later just as I tossed the last spade full of dirt on the huge pile.
As I climbed out of the pit she loudly gasped, “My God Woody. How on earth did you finish that hole so quickly. You didn’t mention you had become Superman while you were away.”
She bent and offered me a hand to help me out of the hole. I stood beside her admiring my own accomplishment. In under two hours, I had dug a trench twenty feet long, 4 feet wide, and 4 feet deep. My hands felt like they had blisters on top of blisters, my back felt like the straw that broke the camel’s back was on it, and I was dripping sweat from every pore.
I winked at her as I said, “I may wish I were in about an hour when it’s time to off load that little pig from your truck Mimi. How much does it weigh?”
She gasped even louder, “Sweet Jesus, I’m sorry Woody. It took the butcher and all 8 of the bag boys to load her. She’s a dead even 500 pounds.”
I pulled out a handkerchief to wipe my forehead and dropped it, unable to tightly grip anything temporarily. Mimi quickly bent to retrieve then stood on her tip toes to wipe my brow.
I sighed softly as I stared into her dark brown eyes and said, “That is twice in less than 5 minutes Mimi. If it happens a third time, I’m going to be trying to get in your panties. Them tits you are doing so little to conceal are just too damn fine. I don’t care if you are a lesbian, I’m a man and you are a woman of the highest order.
She blushed slightly then guffawed before saying, “I never said I was a lesbian Woody. I said I was a closet lesbian which means right now I am non-sexual but leaning towards my own gender as possible future lovers. I also said I was coming out of a lesbian club, I didn’t say I had been to a lesbian club to find a lover. I was there to meet my sister who is and always has been a lesbian. I was inside just long enough to find out she wasn’t there. Seems she forgot to let me know her plans had changed.”
I smiled then let my eyes drop to her chest as I softly whispered, “Wish I had known that my first two glimpses, I would have told you then what a mouth watering rack you have.”
Mimi giggled and leaned forward letting her blouse gape open as I whistled softly before saying, “Mimi you have a mouth watering rack. Any hopes I might one day see it beside me in my bed?”
She straightened as if shot from a cannon and turned beet red as she stepped back before saying, “You do come straight to the point don’t you Woody. Oh and the answer kartal escort bayan is, if you continue playing your cards right.”
If I hadn’t been so pressed for time, I would have continued discussing the growing possibility we would one day be much more than friends. Instead, I took the shovel and began rolling the huge maple log I had chopped then cut to fit the trench a few days earlier.
Mimi quickly grabbed the pick ax I had been using and helped me as we finished I said, “You sure do work hard for a lady who has been made many promises but hasn’t yet been paid a single dime.”
She winked and calmly replied, “You paid for all your groceries in advance Woody. I turned in my two week notice two weeks ago and have a job lined up beginning Monday morning. Not that I don’t trust you but my kids are more important to me than anything on earth and I could never lose them again. It would kill me.”
I think she was going to continue but before she could I said, “There should be a couple of gallons of highly seasoned whale oil in one of my boxes. Would you mind getting them for me while I shovel the wood chips in the trench? Oh. I almost forgot. There’s a cigar box in the bottom left drawer of my computer desk. I need it too.”
She just nodded and jumped on the back of her truck as I started shoveling about ten different varieties of tree bark and chips around the huge maple log. She stepped off her tailgate just as I finished and handed me gallon, nodded towards the second gallon sitting on the tailgate, then headed around to the front of my apartment to get the cigar box.
I was just opening the second gallon when she returned and I said, “There should be a few kitchen matches in the cigar box Mimi. Would you strike a few and just drop them in the pit?”
I watched as her eyes became saucers and her jaw dropped as she opened the box then I said, “that’s a little more than the 5 grand I owe you but you are worth the bonus Mimi and I don’t want you working anywhere but in the job I offered you.”
I finished spreading the oil as I spoke then reached in the box she was holding so tightly and got about a dozen matches. The fire was almost completely started when she finally recovered from her shock.
There were tears running down her cheeks as she whispered, “Woody, I can’t put into words exactly how much this means to me. I hadn’t asked because you offered so much for such a simple job and I would have done it for nothing. It means, I can quit worrying about losing my kids. I can hire a really good lawyer and make sure they are never taken from me again.”
I smiled as I replied, “No you can’t Mimi. You haven’t signed a contract yet but to me your word is just as good. as one of my CEO’s, you will get the best lawyer this country has at my expense. That money you can sat fire to for all I care but if I were you, Santa Claus would have a field day.”
She through her arms around me and her kiss buckled my knees then she looked into my eyes and softly whispered, “That cock that’s damn near lifting me off the ground right now is mighty inviting Woody especially to lady that has wanted it for over 50 years. My phone number is your birth date. I suggest you use it as soon as you can after you return from this mysterious trip of yours.”
Just then, Aunt Kim came running through the back gate from her office. She slid to a stop and smiled at Mimi then winked at me.
She giggled softly before saying, “Guess my timing is a little off or is it.”
She laughed then finished, “From what I saw when I came running up to grab a sandwich, we might be eating that tomorrow if the two of you don’t stop making whoopy eyes at each other and get started cooking.”
I stuck out my tongue and said, “Honest to God Aunt Kim. We were just kissing a bit after I gave her the money you sent up earlier. That damn piglet is just too big. I have no idea how we are going to get it in the pit when the coals are ready.”
Kim doubled over with laughter then still holding her sides she looked at Mimi and said, “Until Woody told me the money was for a classmate of his that would be taking over his pet project, I always thought you were my age Mimi maybe even a few years younger. Damn, I hope I age as gracefully as you and Laura have.”
Then Kim looked at me and finished, “For a man who thinks of every single little detail, you certainly have forgotten one you thought of yesterday. Mimi must really have your blood boiling dear Nephew.”
I slapped my forehead and doubled over laughing myself and could barely walk when I went inside to retrieve the ski rope Aunt Kim had bought for me less than 24 hours earlier. I had Mimi back her truck over the pit then I jumped on back and made sure all the groceries were out of the way before tying the hogs front legs together.
I left the rest of the rope laying on the tailgate before looking through the bags for the double strength, heavy duty tinfoil I had special ordered to cover the pig both top and bottom with then I jumped off.
Smiling at Mimi I said, “Guess my dear old Aunt is right Mimi. You are indeed a distraction. Extremely pleasing but none the less still a distraction. Could you pull up so I can put a layer of tinfoil across the coals before we unload this beast?”
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